Friday, October 15, 2010

Weird/Real Science

I am employed by day, and sometimes nights and weekends as a scientist. So I was intrigued by the Yahoo headline a few days ago that said "Study shows McDonald's Happy meal doesn't spoil." So here's the scoop- a woman placed a happy meal on her New York apartment kitchen counter, took a picture of it every day for 6 months, and the happy meal never molded. Furthermore, she is calling this 'art.' The story was picked up by Good Morning America. But as a scientist, mother, and all-around regular person, I have several problems with this:

(1) Science isn't real unless it is done by people in white lab coats with evil laughs and questionable intentions. I learned this from TV, not reality.

(2) All good experiments have controls- a made from scratch hamburger and fries perhaps? If the hypothesis of the experiment is to show that McDonald's adds crap to their food to keep it fresh, then you need a meal to control for the environment to show that there is nothing wonky (a very scientific word) about your kitchen.

(3) My husband's family is from Jersey City. The apartments within a 25 mile radius of Manhattan have just enough counter space to put down a happy meal. So I am supposed to believe that this happy meal sat out for 6 months on the kitchen counter. Unrealistic and Gross!

(4) The executives at McDonald's are morons; they issued a statement vehemently denying that their food does not rot.......wait a minute! Why are you commenting on this? And why do you feel the need to state that your food rots?

(5) Finally- this is obvious and stupid. However, everyone knows that stupid, obvious stuff makes the best kind of science, art and news.

Therefore, since I have no artistic talent, I will need to talk my boss who is NOT an evil scientist into writing a grant. $1,000,000 for the 'Longitudinal study of the Environmental effects of post-consumption deterioration of chemically modified Solanum tuberosum' should just about cover my expenses. I will buy happy meals every day, and maybe a cup of Joe and the occasional cherry pie. All I need is a fab new digital camera and an evil assistant who coincidently will be really hot in a bad boy kind of way. After three years of careful notetaking, I will write up my findings in a peer-reviewed journal so that the rest of the world can know what every stressed, over-scheduled mom knows. McDonald's french fry bits that are found in between or under the seats in your car will not deteriorate or rot. Millions of moms know this; it is not science, art or news.

And just on the off chance that all of this is news, watch 'Supersize Me' a documentary from 2004 about what consuming McDonald's food will do to you. At the very end, they discuss the bizarre fact that the french fries do not deteriorate.

1 comment:

  1. Nothing could sit on our counter for six months and not be moved. Nothing.